Ever since first becoming a mother, I would say my main identity was "mom." Once it hit me that my oldest would be going off to college, I wondered if I counted as "mom" anymore. Was there still a role for me going forward? Turns out there was, but it was different. It was mostly limited to scheduling flights back and forth to college over breaks, and writing tuition checks. Check-ins over the phone provided a connection, but it was not the same.
Then came marriages and it felt like the final tie to "mom" was severed. I know, I know. I'll always be a mom, yada, yada, yada... But not really.
So how, after 20 + years of being "mom" does one become someone's "mother"?
Burns response is to "keep your mouth shut and the welcome mat out." Welp.
Burns is highly encouraging for moms like me struggling with the next stage. One of his most helpful statement is that we didn't screw up our kids! We need to see them as differentiated adults; they are not simply reflections of us.
"But what about..." I hear some saying. Burns has a chapter for that. Whether its children who walked away from the faith, are making bad financial and personal decisions, have in-law troubles, or have generally failed to launch, Burns has words of wisdom. It makes me grateful that the worst thing I can say about my kids is that they grew up to become independent, fully-functioning adults.
It's a good reminder that we as parents are only on the job full-time for a season. Our job, as I often told my own daughters, is not to raise children, but to raise adults.
It doesn't mean I don't miss the "Mom!!!" cry once in a while.
